Skip to main content

About your Search

COM 10
English 10
Search Results 0 to 9 of about 10 (some duplicates have been removed)
Comedy Central
Feb 27, 2013 11:30pm PST
is the new secretary of state. or the pressure has really taken a toll on hillary clinton. [laughter] and my guest paola antonelli is a curator at the museum of modern art. i'll ask her to exit through the gift shop. [laughter] it's chuck hagel's first day as secretary of defense. tomorrow we start the two-month confirmation process for his second day of work. [laughter] this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) thank you, ladies and gentlemen. thank you so much. [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting stephen] [cheers and applause] welcome to the report, good to have you with us. please, sit down. [cheers and applause] folks, we have to do the show. [cheers and applause] folks -- [cheers and applause] if you watch this program, and i certainly hope that you do, you know that if nothing else i'm a company man. and i could not be prouder that this show is a profitmaking tsunami for my parent company viacom. [laughter] make no mistake, i am the reason ceo philippe daumann can afford his daily saffron and rosewater scrotum
Comedy Central
Jan 31, 2013 7:00pm PST
was signed into law in 1996 by bill clinton-- a man who understands being defensive about your marriage. [ laughter ] now, barack obama's justice department decided not to defend doma, but don't worry, your tax dollars are still being spent on the case. house republicans hired super-straight, super-lawyer paul clement to defend marriage to the tune of $2 million dollars. [ laughter ] now, the case won't be heard until march, but that money is already buying brilliant legal arguments from clement like: "marriage should be limited to unions of a man and a woman because they alone can produce unplanned and unintended offspring." [ laughter ] damn straight. yes! yes, marriage is for straight people, who can go to a wedding, get tanked on chablis, and make a baby, barebacking it in a coat closet. [ laughter ] as -- [cheers and applause] fans of the coat closet. that's how god intended it. [ laughter ] planning to have kids just isn't right. [ laughter ] but perhaps the strongest argument clement yanked out of his law-hole is this one: "gays and lesbians have attained more legislative victori
Comedy Central
Feb 11, 2013 11:30pm PST
of paintings from george w. bush. >> stephen: yes, paingts by george w. bush. president clinton has his global initiative and jimmy carter has habitat for humanity but now we know that george w. bush is hard at work painting self portraits in the shower. [ laughter ] that say bold artistic vision that says faces are hard. [ laughter ] it's not like the president sits around day painting shower portraits. he also did one taking a bath because after a hard day's painting in the shower, there's nothing like a relaxing paint in the tub. of course, we may never know exactly what the artist intended with these works but looking at the muted palette, the fusion of the delicate background, i think it's safe to say, how can i kill some time before swamp wars. [laughter] nation, this morning i did what i always do, i went on huffington post to get my rage levels up and to check out the most adorable panda nip slips but when i was there i saw something truly shocking. actual news. according to the 72-point font: pope out. naturally i was shocked. the pope came out of the closet? [laughter] i mean it make
Search Results 0 to 9 of about 10 (some duplicates have been removed)